How to understand expectations in a stepfamily?
November 29, 2021
“Unrealistic expectations are the biggest risk.”
Step-Parents usually considered as additional parents rather than substitutes. The maternal parent keeps the child’s key responsibility while the stepparent becomes the helping hand for the whole family. This leads to one of the most common mistakes that new step-parents make: they feel that they are automatically accountable to the child in a parental role.
Your wife’s child seemingly already has a close bond with his or her other maternal parent. It’s not uncommon for children to feel violent even before marriage toward new stepparents either because they still have a close connection with their birth parents or merely because of fear of the threat of a new relationship. Age and experience do not necessarily fix these problems: even adults often reject the possibility of marrying a new parent. You must also respect the child’s bond with the other parent right from the start and clarify both to the child and yourself that you are not a substitute for their real-parent.
Simplify Expectation
In the early stages of family reunion, it is necessary for everyone to speak about what their goals are. It is vital that everyone is clear and honest. All want to know and understand desires, aspirations, dreams, and fears. This phase is very complex and involves several meetings and family gatherings over a while for most families.
The most valuable contribution you will make to your marriage and family is to create a relationship with your stepchild. It’s like a bank checking account. After having a deposit, you can’t make a withdrawal. When you decide to become their parent or start discipline your stepchildren, you withdraw emotionally. This leads to classic step-parent pressure, which continues to escalate by every second. If the step-parent accepts this idea and insists on being very close friends with the stepchildren, the family conflict is naturally reduced.
Let the child decide about setting a relationship
This is the golden law regarding relations. Don’t disappoint them if your stepchild is responsive and desire to start a relationship with you. Don’t threaten the connection if the kid stays aloof and not friendly. Value the limits of a child; they frequently reflect uncertainty over a new relationship and grievances about the forgotten past. When time takes you closer, mutual interest and love steadily grow. Relax above all. Eventually, time and good interactions will get you together, but you cannot win affections immediately. So relax, embrace the current relationship, and believe in yourself to make the bond stronger.
Concept of a blended family
Basically, a mixed family is one in which parents have children from a past marriage, but now all members will stay together as a new family. The phenomenon of mixed families is becoming popular day by day; however, this mixed family concept varies. Understanding the basics of a diverse family will be important to ensure the family’s similarities and weaknesses.
Definition
The common concept of a mixed family, also known as a stepfamily, re-established family, or complex family, is a family structure in which parents have children from a prior relationship but merged in a new one. In the world, blended families or stepfamilies are now common. Approximately half of the relationships result in divorce. It is stated that at least half of children live with a stepparent. This individual may even be considered a parent.
It can be difficult to get parents and their children together. In diverse parental styles and family schedules, children can be included. Stress may be induced by a visit or dispute between separated parents. Conflicts between parents living outside the new family will also increase anxiety. Another aspect of possible tension is new brothers and sisters. Children will take time to adapt to the new arrangement of the family.
What to Expect?
As old relationships end, people may opt to step on and focus on developing their new relationship. Although where children are involved, this is always more difficult. Children will choose to remain close to their maternal parents (or first parents). A parenting strategy mandated by the court might encourage the child to spend time with both parent. This can mean that the remarried parent wants to talk to their ex-more. The ex may be considered the non-residential parent of mixed families.
Sometimes a new step-parent may also feel challenged by the probibility of having a contact of their partner with their ex. Most of the time, the former partner may believe that the new stepparent will not equally manage his kids. All of these conditions in a mixed family can raise stress. Step-couples fail to find out who is responsible for what is needed in parenting. Some attempt to delegate duties with the notion that “moms are doing this …” or “dads must be responsible” for gender stereotypes.
Currently, parenting in stepfamilies prove more effective when you focus more on developing relationship instead of just performing duties. When children require correction, they always consider it from a trustworthy person. They want that their parent (not their stepparent) should take decision regarding important matters in their lives. A stepparent’s mistake is that he wants to get power too early. The relationship between the stepfather and kids will be unstable at an early stage. Children want to feel a connection before accepting new step-parent.
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